Saturday, December 31, 2011

I hate u

Did you do to your other man the same things that you did to me?

You gave your body to another in the name of fun.


I hope you had some baby 'cause it means we're through...(at least that's what I always thought Prince sang till I Googled it just now.)


Yeah, those words always hit too close to home for me and my ex-husband when we listened to them, because they applied to both of us.

Say you're sorry if you want to but it's all in vain...



I hate you...because I love you.


But I can't love you...because I hate you.


Did you do to your other man the same things that you did to me?
 
I seriously love me some Prince, and now I see why lyrics to his epic songs like I Hate U still resonate years later in my mind and soul.

He was just so freaking honest that he exposed parts of himself that others wouldn't expose.

Right now I hate you so bad that I want to make love until you see that it's killing me baby, to be without you...because all I ever wanted to do was to be with you.


Yeah, I'm seriously getting more honest like Prince did with his writing -- but I'm not totally there yet. Now you see why I write under pen names and pseudonyms and nome de plumes?

I feel freer to write that way. I don't have to worry about censoring myself too much to try and spare feelings or not cause confusion or misinterpretation or straight up propagate lies. Still, I think I could learn a lot from Prince.

Of course, on the surface it doesn't sound nice for a Christian to use the word "hate" when that's what's roaming around in their brains as their mouths say, "I'm just lifting you up in prayer."

However, the Lord said he hated Esau.

And God did say he hated divorce. (So sad Mayte and Prince divorced after videos like the one above was made -- be careful what we create in our art. That's why I like to write about happy endings. No, not necessarily that kind...)

I've got my old divorce papers spread out on my couch next to me in preparation for a post about do-it-yourself divorces. But I don't hate my ex-husband at all. I think nothing of him after all these years...
Anyway I'm not saying it's all Godly to have Mayte writhing around in that video -- but it is kind of Song of Solomon-ish because they were married at the time.

Okay: Here's my point. Sometimes when we're thinking "I hate you" we should just say it or write it and admit it to God and let "the Father of the heavenly lights" cover those feelings with all his grace.

So there. I hate you. I wrote it. Okay no, not really. Just a fleeting emotion...
The Lord God help us all.

No comments:

Paula Neal Mooney