How far have I fallen?
But the snow in my hair and frigid wetness on my face and muddy clothes felt fine -- because again, I'm right where I need to be at this time and space and place in my life.
"Remember from where you have fallen," came the lesson today whilst I was seeking Him, loving the way Jesus complimented that wayward church first before telling them their faults and warning them to do right before worse stuff happens:
Look how far you have fallen!
Turn back to me and do the works you did at first. If you don't repent, I will come and remove your lampstand from its place among the churches.
So that had me reminiscing about when I first got saved, or any times that I was closer to God than I had been lately. Not that I want to turn into some judge-y Ms. Super Saint, but I did think of some times when I spent more time with Him (usually after being reminded) -- braiding my hair and staring out the window. Perhaps not ignoring warnings...
Or the times I would maybe push away from my laptop and fast every Tuesday for a while there and not let the busyness of life and work and people consume me and take my time and attention away from my Maker.
It's a slow fade, when you give yourself away...
Well, God has my attention now.
And yeah, I may cry nearly every day -- but there are happy times too, and He is doing something to strengthen that "inner man" that I can feel and really need right now.
The Mighty One really does love us and is out to protect us more than punish us...
The Boy Who Came Back from Heaven is helping me too, reminding me to thank Jesus for the healing He is already performing on our broken hearts and minds and souls -- and to keep any feelings I have in perspective.
After all, a billion people would love to have our lives and the "problems" that we can't let sink us into self-pity.
Okay, I think that's enough for now. The bed and a DVR'd "Modern Family" episode and the hubby are calling -- along with so many other writing projects that will probably take a rest right now.
At least "Open Court" with those retired ball players is entertaining him for now.
There's always tomorrow, Lord willing, and I promise some fun Internet making-money talk will be coming back to these sites.
But for now, I kind of like this memoir-style expression.
It's good and well with my soul... and cathartic, just like those cleansing tears.