Monday, December 18, 2006

I want plastic surgery!

Dr. 44313...anyone, anyone? by Paula Neal Mooney

I admit it, I'm hooked on Dr. 90210 - the completely addictive E! documentary that shows real-life plastic surgery patients, their surgeries (not for the squeamish) and not only the patients' lives, but the inside lives of their docs.

Perhaps you too have grown to love Dr. Robert Rey -- the warm-hearted, martial-arts practicing and self-aware Beverly Hills plastic surgeon throughout Season 2 and Season 3 of Dr. 90210; laughed at yet sympathized with his gorgeous wife, Hayley, as she birthed his two kids and struggled to find herself in a lonely multi-million dollar mansion filled mostly with her and her brood as Dr. Rey worked long hours to try and foot the bill for said manse.

This season of Dr. 90210 proves to be even more addictive with the addition of John Diaz, M.D., a Queens, New York, bred doc specializing in breast and facial plastic surgery. Dr. Diaz is a hot new Latin doc who is just cutting his teeth -- or ten blade, as it were -- and entering the surgery room alone, but you can tell is already completely capable. I'm ready to hop a flight to LAX...

Also lovable is Dr. David Matlock, (can I scream from the rafters how happy I am to see a smart, accomplished brother doc on Dr. 90210...finally!) a self-proclaimed woman-loving feminist, whose designer laser vaginal rejuvenation and liposculpturing specialties will no doubt supply endless hours of awe-inspiring voyeurism.

Just last night I was amazed to watch Dr. Matlock give a pretty black woman a G-shot. Who even knew G-shots existed? (Certainly not I, and if you want more info on G-shots, you'll have to Google it 'cause I'm not necessarily promoting it, though I'm sure G-shots can help many married women suffering in silence.)

If only my beloved doc, Joseph F. Zebari, M.D., FACOG, an ob/gyn at Gynecology & Obstetrics of Northeast Ohio, were on Dr. 90210, I'd do it in a minute. I love Dr. Zebari. He's seen me thru plenty of stuff over the past decade, and I'm all the better for his God-directed surgeon's hands.

I keep telling Dr. Zebari to stop being so media shy. He is so highly skilled. Plus, he's a Christian, exactly the kind of believer you want working on you when you go under the happy drugs that zonk you out and under a person's ten blade.

"Your prayers worked," said Dr. Zebari upon greeting me in my recovery room after a major surgery I had in January 2004. As Dr. Zebari went on to explain how he expertly excised one of my organs from another as he impacted my other organs up and away, I realized just how much one must trust and believe in not only The Great Physician, but also their great physician.
But Dr. Zebari cautions me to think twice about certain plastic surgeries -- this is how I know he's such a good doc focused on his patients' health -- not referral fees and the like. And of course my own heart makes me pause about spending a few grand that could nicely go to a place like Sisters in Service instead and feed lots of hungry chidren.

These are all smokescreens and excuses, though, for not walking boldly into my God-written destiny despite naysayers...especially my own loud naysaying voice in my head that tries to keep me in bondage.

I know about the creation of wealth, about things that are meant to be and things that aren't. I know there is room for me to continue to be a good steward without sliding all the way down the slippery slop of narcissism. So who knows? If a Christ-centered Christian doc in my area reads this -- preferably one who's a master in Krispy-Kreme type mastopexies (if you know what I mean) -- and I feel so led, I might not need to hop that plane to la-la land after all...

Bookmark and tell me what part of your physical self you would change if money and time and energy and pain were no object.



Bonnie Calhoun said...

LOL...if pain and energy were no object, I'd lose 50 pounds! LOL

Anonymous said...

Ah.. the things we do to loose weight and look better. This industry alone must be worth million (if not billions) of dollars alone..

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Heather said...

This show is awesome! I can't get enough!

Beverly said...

Some says that, when you had done already a surgery, you'll get addicted to it.

Paula Neal Mooney